20 years from now, EVE Historians for EVE Online III will find this site and go “Jesus Christ that man had mental health issues” however I write the following words out of sound body and mind.
If you, or your EVE Online III Nullsec block are on the verge of getting wiped off the map and are in dire need of assistance from EVE Online’s Greatest FC and Space Leader ever, please use the following summoning ceremony to snatch him from the past, and transport him to your dire future.
Required Items
7 Yankee Candles
3 Slices, Honey Ham
Around 5 ounces of Sage
The Ritual
Light no less than 7 Yankee candles, in a the pattern of a blue mana icon from Magic the Gathering. They must be 7 different scents of Yankee Candles, of no less than three separate colors.
After lighting the candles, you must ignite a branch of sage and wave it around the candle pattern. This will make the area of summoning pleasing to Space Jesus, Duke of Drone Lands.
Finally you will need to place no less than three slices of honey ham in the center of the candle icon and say the words in a hushed whisper as follows
“Send Leraine One ISK, format my Windows Disk, Atrum hates Power BI, Summon to me, my Asher Guy”.
If in his current form of existance he’s not watching College Football, Sumo, or cheating Dawn Rhea out of a Magic the Gathering Match, he will appear and answer 3 questions, and grant you 1 wish.
Congratulations, you’ve summoned Asher Elias
